...often go awry. That's one of few true literary references you'll see me make, so enjoy it. Currently I'm trying to find a poignant saying to describe a phenomenon that we experience almost daily in our home. Steinbeck said it pretty well I think, but it's not nearly depressing enough.
Maybe you remember me discussing this problem when
installing the dishwasher back when we moved in. Here's the idea: every job, no matter the scale or complexity, ends up taking 5 to 10 times as long as you plan. Every time. No matter what. Can somebody come up with a catchy phrase to describe our torment and frustration?
We've got a few things to catch up on, but I'm going to run this theme into the ground in detailing this weekend's events in three exciting installments....aaaaand begin!
So, first my mom took the initiative to search on Craigslist and find us a dryer for cheap so we could take care of our laundry in the cold, wet days of winter because it's not as much fun then as it is in the picture above. She went to check it out and paid, all we had to do was pick it up, which we are both extremely grateful for. From the description and sale cost we weren't sure what to expect, but the dryer looks about 10 years newer than it apparently is which is a fantastic surprise. We load it in the back of the car, drive to dinner, then on the way home we get rear-ended. Naturally.
As the story goes, a couple of stupid kids were running across the street while we were turning right, Jessie yelled and I saw them NOT stopping so I slammed on my brakes, avoiding totally wrecking their entire beings. The car behind me slid as it was just starting to rain, hitting us in the bumper, causing almost no damage, but freaking us out and wasting a good bit of our time.
We regroup, come home, unload the washer into the back corner of the dungeon next to the washer, start a load of laundry in the washer, then try to hook up the dryer. All we have to do is hook up a vent line (two screws) and stick a plug in the wall and we're done, right?
Wrong. This house was setup for a natural gas dryer. Thus there is only a 120V outlet and a really poorly placed, completely unsupported iron natural gas pipe hanging down about 8 feet from the ceiling (it's the black pipe on the left).
Ok, no problem. Some previous owner wanted to have the laundry in the mud room between the kitchen and the deck (not our ideal choice, but we'll roll with it for now). Jessie and I try to lug the dryer out of the basement and try squeezing it
up the deck stairs, but to no avail. So we walk around the house, in the front, through 3 more doorways to the mudroom and plop it down next to the outlet. Now we can just plug it in, right?
Wrong. Apparently, this dryer is too new for this house at 11 years old. 4 prongs does not equal 3 prongs. Newer dryers have a case ground wire on the 4th prong, not to mention a different physical layout to the plug. The only two solutions here are: (1) rewire the outlet to the new 230V, 4-wire standard outlet in the location we want it to be or (2) put a 3-prong adapter cable onto the dryer and hope it doesn't burn the house down. Guess what we did.
Jessie picked up a cable, all I had to do was remove three nuts and put the new wires on...so of course I drop the ratchet socket into the dryer on the 3rd nut. In case you didn't know, dryers are almost completely sealed boxes, requiring me to tip it upside down on the corner next to the wire connection to get the socket to fall out.
Great, now the wire is on and I plug it in. The outlet is, of course, positioned in the corner right next to the door. Ok, so the door to the deck will officially be just for show until we rewire this outlet. Whatever, it works...finally......just three days later.
Task #1: 3 days vs. however long it takes to stick a plug in the wall (for argument's sake, let's call it a 5-minute job). For those keeping score at home, that's House: 1, Tom and Jessie: 0.
Tom
Currently listening "The Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring (seems appropriate)
" by .38 Special
" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
" by The Chiffons
" by Elton John
" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
" by Wilco
" by Joe Walsh
" by Buddy Rich
" by Mitch Ryder
" by Lemon Pipers
" by Steve Miller Band
" by Ratatat
" by Girl Talk
" by The Miracles
" by Joe Walsh
" by Ted Nugent
" by Los Straitjackets (it's free right now on amazon!)
" by Kenny Loggins
" by Ram Jam
" by Chuck Berry
Wrong! (You see what's happening here?) All we wanted to do was plant pretty flowers! Apparently this house has other plans...namely, to dig up the parking lot under the entire yard. That might be a bit of hyperbole, but here's the first chunk of concrete I dug up. This is just the beginning. On all sides of the random visible strips are about 5 to 6 feet of buried concrete (with some brick mixed in). I think we'll be leaving the rest of it in place...except for the areas that need to be dug up to plant things. Here's the pile of giant amalgamated concrete and brick blocks we dug up that afternoon...are you kidding me?!?
There were even some random pieces of terra cotta block in here. Yes, this real. In case you don't remember
what that is, it's the very strange offspring of cinderblocks and bricks that are used as foundation walls in the mid-20's...like in our basement (as demonstrated by Jessie). Some other shards of ceramic looked a lot like pieces from an old clay smokestack. We just so happen to have roughly 40% of one left in our attic above the kitchen. Sweet.
So...we lose. But wait! We did manage
to get all of the door sweeps installed. That means no more light and wind gusts coming in under every door to the outside world. w00t. House: 3, Tom and Jessie: an emphatic 1.
Wrong. What is going on here? This is a giant collection of flies just hanging out on the inside of this one basement window next to the electric meter. Words cannot express...I mean seriously, what is this crap? After cleaning that up, it's another 10 minutes of delay...bringing the final score to House: 4...no, 5. Tom and Jessie: 1.
up the deck stairs, but to no avail. So we walk around the house, in the front, through 3 more doorways to the mudroom and plop it down next to the outlet. Now we can just plug it in, right?
Great, now the wire is on and I plug it in. The outlet is, of course, positioned in the corner right next to the door. Ok, so the door to the deck will officially be just for show until we rewire this outlet. Whatever, it works...finally......just three days later. 
We pick up some inexpensive rolled insulation to line the walls (and this kiddy-extinguisher to keep it from acting as kindling), along with sweeps and some seals for the door. Installing rolled insulation is easy: cut it to the right length, stick it between the studs, and staple the brown paper to the stud faces. This whole job should only take us a reasonable 2 hours.
Wrong. Where are we installing this insulation again? In the 10-foot-tall walls overlooking the shoddy 10-foot staircase to the basement? Hmm...I guess we need to figure out a way to reach the top of the walls since there is absolutely nowhere we can set up ladder. My brilliant solution: death ladder. Just like the original construction ladder to the attic, I'd just take a couple sturdy scrap boards and screw them into the studs to give me one step and one handle to hold onto, then allowing me to reach out and staple in the insulation.
I liked my solution, Jessie thought it was stupid and dangerous. Her brilliant solution: platform of unspeakable horror. She grabbed some scrap 2x4s riddled with nails and tossed them over the divide. "So now I have a bed of nails to fall onto?" I asked.
Then she takes a piece of 3/8" plywood and puts it over the top. "Oh, that's much more secure."
Wrong! First, we need to remove these several blocks of scrap wood used to support an electrical outlet. Then, we need to figure out what to do with the stove hood that's venting directly into the staircase. 
Awesome, right? Of course this takes some time because each scrap piece of wood is nailed to the next. Wow, do I hate nails. Now that that's done, we'll reroute the vent......actually, let's not. We'll just cut the power to it, block it off, and just not use it (being that it was use-less before the insulation anyways). Back in business! Funny, some of these strips are just a wee bit tighter than others. Didn't we measure this ahead of time to make sure they're normal construction?
Task #2: This isn't done yet and it will certainly be another day of work. Scoreboard - House: 2, Tome and Jessie: 0.
Tom
" by Songs: Ohia
